Tuesday 29 March 2011

Saving myself or saving others?

Did a big thing today and cleared out a load of people from my friends list on Facebook. I did it not because I dislike them, but because I don't wanna fill up peoples news feeds with negativity.

If anyone does ask, please explain this to them.

Pan
Sent from my BlackBerry® wireless device

Monday 28 March 2011

Living for myself...

...something which I feel I'm not doing.

I feel so limited by our situation. I'm trying to stop myself from thinking things like "I can't wait until we can afford to..." as that's normally followed up by something very expensive which we would've been able to afford when we were working, but obviously with things the way they are, those wishes will NEVER be achieved.

Which brings on the next question:

If I can't live for myself, what's the point?

Yeah, I'm doing a great thing caring for Kaz, sticking by her through all of the crap we've suffered, going against my promise to myself about never having a kid, but when I don't seem to be getting anything from it (as in being able to do things that I enjoy), then what's the point?

It's kinda like having a job that you don't really like, but you do it because you have to work, but at the end of the month you don't actually get a salary for it. Therefore, there's actually no point in doing that job, is there?

Lots of people have been telling me to focus on myself, do the things I like to do, but that's exactly the problem; I can't...

Am I just starting to be selfish now? (not a rhetorical question, would really appreciate some response from this)