Anyway, this blog is mostly just to "timestamp" my current list of health issues, more for my own benefit than anything else. Have no idea if I will start blogging again, energy and motivation are at very low levels, permanently these days!
Anyway, here's the list for anyone who's interested!
## TW: extreme pain, mentioning of sexual abuse and mental health issues ##
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Physiological issues
- Head/Neck
Keratoconus in the left eye (properly diagnosed at West
Middlesex Eye Hospital)
Clicking and sore jaw, sometimes lockjaw
Very tense muscles and cracking neck, sometimes seems
like I can feel pressure being pushed up into the base of my skull (sometimes
quite unnerving/worrying)
Sometimes my neck will become so stiff I physically won't
be able to rotate or tilt it in certain ways/directions
Have suffered from headaches and migraines since my early teens
- Collar/Shoulders/blades
Very tense muscles in collar, will sometimes "go
into spasm" (become so tense suddenly that it forces me to move
uncontrollably)
Shoulders crack and click on rotation most of the time
Muscles around shoulder-blades often become rock solid,
incredibly painful, feels like they're trying to push their way out of my back
through the skin
- Chest/sternum
Previously had bilateral gynecomastia to liposuction
performed on both breasts
Before and after said procedure have always had
tightening bands of muscle pain which seem to go around the middle of the ribs,
feeling like they're slowly being crushed
Have frequently felt a "stabbing sensation" in
all different parts of my chest, normally from the sides
Have had random pain in the sternum, as if it had been
hit or bruised (has happened in the past) but without any actual impact damage
being previously done
Sensation of ribcage trying to open or cave in at the
sternum
- Arms/elbows
Frequent muscle fatigue accompanied by a
burning/electrical tingling/crushing pain
From shoulder to fingertips can sometimes feel so
weak/painful that I can't even lift a drink, let alone wash myself/shower/brush
teeth etc
When I am able to carry shopping or similar, I've noticed
that my limbs very much "hang off" of the joints (something I was
made aware of during previous physio)
Twitching sections of muscle near the elbow
- Wrists
Frequent crushing/stabbing pain, muscle tension, cracking
and clicking upon rotation
Sometimes becomes so painful that I will try to totally immobilise
my hand to prevent further pain
- Hands/fingers
Many knuckles crack on some manipulations, sometimes just
making a fist
Will sometimes get what feels like extreme muscle
weakness in my fingers; not able to grip strong, hold something "technical"
or "small" like a pen/pencil or knife and fork
Can get extreme burning./crushing pains all through my
fingers which makes me have to drop and stop everything I'm doing
Thumb pads get incredibly tense/inflamed and painful when
I try to use my crutches or wheelchair, to the extent where I avoid going out
most of the time
Very odd skin - will sometimes become very hard like
calluses but without the friction, can become dry, itchy and sore, will go
through bouts of skin "shedding"
Will take ages to warm up once cold
- Stomach/digestive system
GERD/acid reflux caused by certain foods and
stress/anxiety
No consistency in form/solidity of solid waste, can be
water one passing then incredibly painful constipation the next
- Middle/lower back
Muscles that run parallel either sides of the spine will
frequently become rock solid, incredibly painful, feels like they're trying to
push their way out of my back through the skin
Muscles around the lower back/lumbar will also frequently
become rock solid, incredibly painful, feels like they're trying to push their
way out of my back through the skin
All muscles in these areas will frequently "go into
spasm" (become so tense suddenly that it forces me to move uncontrollably)
Back muscles will also sometimes feel so weak that I
struggle to keep myself upright without significant effort and conscious
correction
- Pelvis/hips
Stabbing pains on the sides of the pelvis, top and bottom
Glutes can become rock solid, ridiculously painful, can
take hours for the tension to start to ease
Burning pain around where the thighs connect to the
pelvis
Many instances of spots/boils around the backside and
inner thighs
- Thighs/calves
Lots of stabbing and crushing pains
Muscles will frequently become solid, go into spasm
Used to suffer from agonising cramps, to the point of
literally screaming in pain and becoming immobile
Used to suffer from agonising growing pains. Have
continued to get these sensations into my 30's but to a now lesser degree
Legs will sometimes go incredibly weak, will wobble and
shake after a second or two of standing and then collapse under me
Have frequently been had a go at due to "jiggling my
legs" - I sometimes get this build-up of pressure or energy in my legs and
will have to bounce/move them otherwise it can become ridiculously
painful/lead into cramps - also have this when trying to sleep but can normally
limit the movement to my ankle (RLS?)
- Knees
Many instances of feeling extreme pressure around and
behind the kneecap
Stabbing sensations around the kneecap
Have been told by a previous GP in Datchet that I have
"very loose knees" (with regards to range of sideways motion)
- Ankles
Cracking and clicking on rotation most of the time
All sorts of pains; burning, crushing, stabbing
- Feet
Extreme stabbing pains in the base of the heels/bottom of
the arches, medial plantar area on occasion
Stiffness in the joints of the toes, as if they need to
crack but won't
Some form of eczema on the sides, soles and toes - tiny
little blisters (will sometimes have fluid in, sometimes not) which if left
alone will leave hard little disks of skin which can easily be picked/scratched
out
Strange white striping on the sides of some of my
toenails
What appears to be a thin layer of skin trying to grow
over some of my toenails
Can easily rub layers of skin off of my feet once they're
wet (can repeat within a day or two even if after a thorough scrub with a
pumice stone
Will take ages to warm up once cold
- General all-body
Have been previously diagnosed with fibromyalgia, now been changed to EDS Type III
Hypermobility
Bouts of tiny little spots, sometimes clustered together
Raised moles (have accidentally scratched a few off
without realising)
"Hard pores/follicles" which I can scratch off.
Almost like tiny hard spots without any puss in them (skin feels slightly
bobbled when it happens) - happens infrequently
Intolerance to temperatures (mild chill and seem
freezing, slight heat can seem roasting or still cold)
Frequent extreme night sweats to the degree of my sheets,
duvet, pillow and mattress becoming saturated with sweat; sometimes to the
point of not completely drying by the next nightfall
Very broken sleep, aware of waking up multiple times a
night due to pain
Unable to lie in bed for more than seven hours at most
without extreme pain
All over pain and fatigue; simple things like walking,
cooking, cleaning (house or self) can become close to impossible on occasion
If I have an active day, be it physically or socially, I
will suffer for a good few days afterwards with extreme fatigue, pains, muscles
spasms, depression and mental exhaustion
Mental health
- Have been previously diagnosed with many different forms
of depression ("general depression", MDD, unipolar depression)
- Have been previously diagnosed with anxiety
- Have suffered with self harm in the past and attempts to
take my own life (now well under control, no longer self harm and all impulses
have gone)
-
Have
suffered with bullying for most of my school life, be it due to my odd
behavior, my appearance, the way I spoke, my scholastic achievements, anything
- Have suffered sexual abuse at different stages in my
life, most significantly at school and during my previous relationship - now
significantly struggle with sexual activities
- Have suffered from non-physical domestic abuse throughout
my last relationship
- Struggling to deal with the degradation of my body and
how it's impacted my life
- Was always "one of the weird kids" when I was
young; didn't know how to properly interact with or read people, often get told
off for "misbehaving" (normally due to a lack of focus) however
always performed well academically
- Took a long time of punishments and self-teaching to
understand what was and wasn't acceptable social behavior or tones of
conversation, how to interact with different groups of individuals,
understanding body language etc.
- Would often (and still do) get what I can only describe
as "a sensory overload" - all colours and light that I could/can see
around me would suddenly leap out towards me, light reflections will become
"fractal" in their nature, small bits of visual detail will quite
literally suddenly fill my field of vision before darting back to their
original place. Sounds will seem to reverb like mad; any form of conversation
being had in the background will become like a deafening roar. During these
"episodes" I normally end up "locking up" or freezing in
place whilst having what feels like a "silent" anxiety attack inside.
My thoughts will normally end up being so rapid I can't focus on a single
thought.
- What I can only perceive to be OCD-ish tendencies. Do
certain tasks a very certain and particular way and can become upset,
frustrated or angry if something interrupts or disturbs the order or speed of
the process I’m undertaking
- If I have a plan formed in my head (with any regards) and
something happens which upsets, delays or changes anything to do with that plan
then I struggle to handle the changes and can become panicked and flustered
- I have other issues with my self image/sense of self-worth and other things which I've been battling with since childhood.
